Weat Coast-ing, Part the Second: Holy Crap That’s a Lot of Square Miles

Yesterday was day two of our road trip down the Cali coast, and our rent-a-car minivan brought us to Hearst Castle and there’s nothing I can say about it other than holy fucking hell. On past vacations, I’ve been to castles in both Scotland and France. In England, I toured Buckingham Palace. And Hearst Castle is the most “Fuck you I’m rich” thing I’ve ever seen.

The castle was named for the extremely wealthy William Randolph Hearst. If that name sounds familiar to you, it’s probably because of that little thing called “yellow journalism.” See, he and Joseph Pulitzer owned competing newspapers, both basically got into a pissing contest over who could sensationalize the news and stretch the truth now, and, long story short, the Spanish-American War started.

Now, as for the castle, wow is it big. Hearst had the goal of creating something lavish and grand the likes of which the world had never seen before. And he succeeded.

The castle feels like someone just walked around the world and said, “That’s art. I want that. Ooh, and that’s art too! I definitely want that!” There are rooms with works from all over Europe, Greece, you name it. There are at least two large pools, a tennis court, an outer living room, and inner living room, and an indoor movie theater. Even the dining room King Arthur would look at and say, “Dude.”

Still, it is worth checking out just to gaze in awe at this celebration of human excess.

We also stopped for lunch in a little town called Cayucos (which immediately made me think of Carcosa). It’s one of those nice small towns that’s right by the water and everything is along the same street. And the air smells of salt. Aah.

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