The Teeth Are the Window to the Soul

Any literate person is familiar with the phrase “the eyes are the window to the soul.” It’s a very sweet and poetic way of conveying how you’re able to judge a person’s heart and character just by looking into their eyes.

It’s also completely full of shit.

Look, I hate to rain on this poetry parade, but eyes aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Yes, they give us sight––a sense you’re using to read this right now––but they aren’t pools of emotional depth.

And this is why I’m going to contend right now that the teeth are the window to the soul.

You can’t tell very much by looking into someone’s eyes, but you can draw some conclusions about a person based on the quality of their teeth.

If a person’s teeth are incredibly clean, you know this is someone very much concerned with personal hygiene. If a person’s teeth are horribly yellowed, this is a person you might not want to touch mouths with. And if this person has small metal wires over their teeth, this is a person who you’ll barely be able to understand.

I guess what I’m saying is: there are more things in your mouth and teeth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your eyes.

[Editor’s note: We shoehorned in a Shakespeare reference to make this look more sophisticated. Did it work?]

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