Not Everything Needs to Be Put On a Goddamn Burger

Pizza burgers and PB&J burgers and Reuben burgers and turkey burgers and veggie burgers and garden burgers and Maryland crab burgers and salmon burgers and Greek burgers and onion burgers and cowboy burgers and bistro burgers and breakfast burgers and brunch burgers and horseradish burgers and spicy burgers and taco burgers and chili burgers and cajun burgers and tex-mex burgers and fajita burgers and bruschetta burgers and Mediterranean burgers and bleu cheese burgers…

There are burgers with cheese, burgers with bacon, burgers with bacon and cheese, and cheese-and-bacon-infused bacon cheeseburgers. Burger King has a goddamn French Fry Burger now.

People put everything they can possibly think of on burgers. Ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, relish, meats (because, for some reason, we’ve decided a hamburger patty is not enough meat to consume by itself in one sitting), seafood, cheese, tomato sauce, mozzarella sticks, jalapeño poppers, ad infinitum. Even lobster. There are lobster-adorned burgers.

The burger is a blank canvas upon which we create a mouth-watering masterpiece, but for God’s sake, do we really need every edible item in existence to crown our burgers with? What’s next, other burgers?

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