Hello and welcome to Ripoff City! I can see you’re a man of refined taste, so do yourself a favor and enjoy your stay in one of our many fine hotels. We have a Harriot over by the highway and a Radishon just off the exit of Route 5. If you get up early enough, there are some great breakfast deals over at the International Den of Breakfast. I’d recommend the Howdy Doody Freezer Fruity, a pancake dish with strawberries, blueberries, and ice cream. It’s to die for.
Not literally, though. Heh heh heh. But if, for some reason, you feel on the verge of death during your stay in Ripoff City, don’t hesitate to call an ambulance that will take you right away to St. Rude’s. They have some of the finest medical experts in the country, ready to help you and take care of all your healthcare needs.
On a lighter note, we have some great entertainment centers in the area, like the town’s only cineplex, ANC Roews Theaters. Or, if you’re a bit of a sporting man, maybe you’d enjoy watching the Big Guys vs. the Jetliners at MidWife Stadium.
Our stores have all your home shopping needs, from Ceers appliances to snacks like Fruit by the Meter or Mallojupiters.
So please, enjoy your stay at Ripoff City, or, as it’s currently called, Retroit.