Let’s Nominate Everyone in the County for President in 2016

Yes, it’s only 2014, but it’s never too early to talk about the next presidential election, and let’s face it. 2016’s been in the news a lot lately, from the near-daily gossip about Hillary Clinton to the minute-by-minute fork-sticking into Chris Christie’s political career. The American political landscape, however, has changed drastically in the past few years, and fewer people like the idea of politicians being “anointed” or “chosen” as presumptive nominees years ahead of time, not to mention the lack of actual choice we’re left with.

And that is why I would like to propose nominating literally every single person in the country to be President of the United States.

Okay, maybe not literally everyone. We’d have to limit it to three criteria: you have to be at least 21, you have to be an American citizen, and, most importantly, you have to be able to recite what the three branches of government are (I mean, seriously, we need some minimum standards).

And here’s how we would do it. We would separate people into divisions, because politics is already a lot like sports, so we may as well fully embrace it. People jump up through the ranks as larger and larger sections of the American public vote on them. This means that you could have a race between, say, some lazy Gaming Club college student up against, say, Mario Lopez, and then one of them moves on to face Joe Biden.

And if people really want pure democracy, this is how to do it; just don’t come crying when we end up with President Zac Efron.

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