‘If I Could Talk to the Cannibals…’
Editor’s note: For the full effect, listen to this song as you read through.
If I could talk to the cannibals, just imagine it,
Chatting over pots of boiled knee
Imagine taking in a toenail, nibbling on a nostril,
What a neat achievement that would be.
If we could talk to the cannibals, learn their languages,
Maybe take a cannibal degree.
I’d study roasting and preparing, broiling and airing,
Just so long as none of them eat me.
I would indulge in salivated earlobes,
And I would mix in only just the finest snot.
If people ask me, “Do you eat the little toe?”
I’d say, “Surely, though, why not?”
If I mixed in some tanned flaky skin, make it flavorful,
Think of the amazing recipe.
If I could walk with the cannibals, talk with the cannibals,
Eat some stir-fried coc…
Okay, I think you get the idea now.
But seriously, kids, don’t eat other people. It’s immoral, illegal, and just so unhealthy for you.