I Hate Everything and Everyone and I Feel So Empty Inside. LOL JK.
So I haven’t been blogging for a while. I could bullshit you with some excuses about other things, but the truth is I lacked the proper motivation. Nonetheless, if I’m going to set up a blog for the sole purpose of unfiltered self-expression, I suppose I should follow through. Responsibilities of the real world and all that.
I suppose the big reason I lacked the right motivation is because barely anyone reads this blog. I mean, let’s face it, you didn’t honestly check this out because you thought, “You know what my life needs? Josh Feldman’s opinions.” You’re either bored or one of my dearest friends doing me a solid and giving me the absolute minimum traffic I need to feel better about myself at night.
9 page views? Oh God, oh God, everyone hates me and my writing and I should just go off the grid forever.
12 page views? I clearly touched a nerve in the popular zeitgeist that the masses are favorably responding to.
In the intervening time, I’ve been thinking of ways to increase my page views. I plan on continuing my shameless self-promotion on Facebook and Twitter, and while I can’t force you to share my musings with others, it would be most appreciated.
But if you want to know the absolute best way to get attention on the internet, look to the con artists and scammers. The devious little devils who manipulate people’s emotions to gain fake sympathy. Elan Gale, that New Jersey waitress, et al, these are the people who get noticed because they portrayed themselves as victims of sorts looking for sympathy. No one person is absolutely gullible, but take that person, multiply by several hundred million, and throw in the middleman of the internet between the hoaxer and the hoaxee and you have the entire world in the palm of your hand.
And don’t think this is just limited to the big web hoaxes, think about all those people you know on Facebook who, whenever they want attention, post crap about how miserable their lives are, hyping whatever doldrum milieu is currently plaguing them at that particular moment in time. And then, of course, you get all the “u okay?” posts from friends, before the invariable “lol jk it’s nothing” clarification an hour or so later.
There are real people with real issues who deserve our sympathy and good wishes, and it’s a shame our skepticism of whiners striving for attention is so high that we can’t tell the difference.
But it’s a terrific business model.