Beardless News

Everyone likes to talk about diversity of race and ethnicity, but watching the news as much as I do, there is one unspoken bias that the politically correct media never talks about: bias against the bearded.

Yes, you read that right. There is a shocking lack of chin hair from our most trusted newscasters.

Think about it. None of the big broadcast news anchors  have beards. There are only two (!) individuals on any of the big three cable networks (CNN, Fox News, MSNBC) that possess any noticeable facial hair whatsoever: Wolf Blitzer and Chuck Todd.

And no, I haven’t forgotten about Al Sharpton. That’s not a real mustache, it’s a fake on top of a hidden microphone; why else would boisterous yelling  be his default voice?

This is an outrage that should have the entire bearded community up in arms; hairy, hairy arms. Are you really telling me that amid the thousands and thousands of applications these networks receive on a daily basis for on-air talent, not a single bearded American was qualified enough?

What is it? Bearded people are inherently less trustworthy than clean-shaven ones? Do dark beards make someone look inherently evil, and the only reason Wolf Blitzer is on TV is because his beard makes him look like skinny Santa?

It is possible that I’m exaggerating the scope of this problem and we should perhaps just judge news anchors by the quality of the news they deliver and not how clean their face is as they deliver it.

Then again, I do need something to be outraged about…

“Life is like a box of chocolates. Too much of it kills you.”

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