An Ode to Clichés

Here’s the reality of the situation

Both sides are at fault here

But we didn’t start the fire

Nor did we kill two birds with one stone.

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NEW! FAD! DIET! To Help You Lose Weight GUARANTEED!

Hey, you! Yeah, YOU! FATTY! Are you trying to lose weight? Well, do we have the solution for you! We have this NEW! FAD! DIET! It’s GUARANTEED 100 PERCENT to help you shed those pounds and ensure that you feel 200 percent BETTER about YOUR body image!

Areyou ready? Well, here it goes!

Our secret weight loss method is…

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Player One

There’s a very interesting social psychology that goes into inviting someone over to your house to play video games. It’s a well-established rule that if it’s your house, you get to be Player One and you get to choose everything (unless you’re taking turns choosing stuff, in which case, you go first). For example, no one but you gets to decide which Super Smash Bros. items get to stay or go.

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Let’s Throw Out the Bums!

It’s time to throw out the bums! Who’s with me?!

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They Don’t Serve Crème Brûlée in Limbo

In heaven, they serve the finest wine

That good souls get when they all dine

On roasted pork or lobster tails

Or meat carved out from great big whales.

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The Teeth Are the Window to the Soul

Any literate person is familiar with the phrase “the eyes are the window to the soul.” It’s a very sweet and poetic way of conveying how you’re able to judge a person’s heart and character just by looking into their eyes.

It’s also completely full of shit.

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Rebuild America with Kickstarters

I’ve often thought of Kickstarter as a fairly useful utility to let people give money to worthy causes. But over the past few weeks, tons of presumably crazy people gave money to some dude who just wanted a couple bucks to make potato salad. As of this posting, the potato salad Kickstarter has raised roughly $60,000. All he needed was $10.

So what gives?

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